First things first. Why the name ‘Unapologetically Rosie’? I have spent all my life, apologising for who I am, both out loud and in my mind. I tried to come up with ways to change this, by changing me – such as emulating characteristics and traits from my friends who were more accepted for being who they were. Somehow, my personality couldn’t be categorised into a particular group, and that made people afraid. In addition, after reading books with incredible female leads, I would attempt to be those fictional characters, in real-life. I possess a wardrobe full of clothes – more than your average person – because I tried testing out different styles that would make me accepted, one way or another, in some form, to belong somewhere – out there.
I was afraid for being too unconventional for the Christian community, too ambitious for a foster child, too much of a dreamer for real-life, and too ‘Rosie’ for anyone to want me around. But how did I ever come to this conclusion? Let me say, as ‘oblivious’ to life as I may seem, and sometimes a bit ditzy, I am NOT blind to the way others treat me. I pretend to not notice, but then take it away with me, and let it consume my identity. I hear more than you think, and see more than you can imagine.
Enough of catering myself to everyone else’s desire. Enough of apologising for being, me.
Fortunately, my mother sat me down once, when I was telling her that I was experiencing a form of identity crisis in my life, because I felt as if there was something about who I was as a person, that made people repel against me. I desperately wanted to change all of me. But, my mother told me that there will always be people who wouldn’t like me, and that is okay, and not my fault – but theirs. It was them who was missing out, and not me. As long as I’m kind to everyone, regardless of what they do to me, forget the rest. Of course, there was more to it than that, but this was the main point I gathered from her. I still remember the time when she said to me, I am waiting for the real Rosie to come out.
Let me say this, I am ready.
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” – Psalms 139:14